It's a Big Theme

I thought that writing things down and thinking them through on this blog would be helpful to me and to others who have serious medical and psychiatric issues to contend with in their loved ones. What I find is that writing these things down is hard. Knowing what I want to say is hard sometimes, but more often, finding the time and energy is hard. The last year and the last six months in particular have been harder than any other period in my life, and the parade of serious issues - any one of which should have taken all my time and attention - has been non-stop and stunningly severe. So much so that I hestitate to even write them for fear that readers will believe that I am the family member with borderline personality disorder. When I sit back and review from an observers vantage point the list of things we have dealt with in this house I cannot trust that anyone will believe the truth of what is written. I physically don't have the time in the day to gve attention to all the needs, let alone write about all of them. We won't get into the emotional resources necessary to handle all this, because I ran out. I had to pick one issue to throw completely under the bus. Which left me with no enough for the rest, but at least there was a little for the rest.

So tomorrow I will begin to write in concrete words, not the vague psychic spillage that has been this post.